Lies

I read this about a month ago, and it really messed me up. I've been thinking, "I suck at this. I don't know what I'm doing." I MUST get it out of my head.

Kids are kids. Even the ones with the very best parents act bad sometimes. Potty training after age 3 is NORMAL. Tantrums are NORMAL. And most moms get burnt out from cleaning messes and repeating themselves all day every day. "Stop! Don't! Quit! No! Put that down!"

My kids act up. They don't listen. But I'm not a bad mom. I try my very hardest. I give my 100% all the time, yet I constantly feel that it's not enough. I AM ENOUGH.

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me."
2 Corinthians 12:9 NIV

Joy is Born

Friday, August 21st, 2015

I had a feeling this would be our last chance to go out as a family of 4, so Michael, Karis, Judah, and I had a special evening.  We enjoyed a spicy meal at Torchy's Tacos, then dessert at Hippo Ice, Karis and Judah's favorite dessert spot.  Before heading home, I walked a few laps around the porch at Hippo Ice. There are a few things "they" say help bring on labor, and I tried 3 that night: spicy food, walking, you guess the third.

Saturday, August 22nd, 2015

5:40 a.m.

A contraction woke me up.  I tried to get some more rest, but I couldn't lay in bed through the contractions, so I began walking around the house and timing the contractions.  They decreased to 6 minutes apart pretty quickly.

6:45 a.m.

Michael woke up and asked, "Are you ok?"  My reply: "Are you ready to have a baby today?" He called his mom, and she rushed over to hang out at our house until Karis and Judah woke up.

The Car Ride
On the way to the hospital, I called my midwife and gave her the update.  We agreed to meet at the hospital at 8:00 am.  We were driving from Wharton to The Pavillion for Women in Houston - an hour and 5 minute drive.  Michael drove so fast!  As usual I was totally fine between contractions, but pretty noisy during the pain.  We were just a couple minutes from the hospital when I said, "Uh oh.  I feel like I need to poop."  I didn't really, but that's the feeling I get right before the baby comes out.

At the Hospital
Michael pulled into the valet area, and I didn't even wait for him.  I exited the car, walked as fast as I could to the elevator, and pressed the button.  I guess I held the elevator door for him.  I had one really strong contraction in the elevator, and I was thankful that we were the only ones in there.  At the check-in desk at triage, an officer asked us a bunch of questions, that I don't think I ever answered, because MY WATER BROKE! Right there on the floor!  I panicked, because during Karis and Judah's labors, my water didn't break until I started pushing.  I knew that Joy was coming NOW.  I quit listening to the officer and walked straight to the triage room.  A nurse helped me into a hospital gown and told me to get into bed.  I told her, "no, I can't!" She said, "You have to so I can check you." I complied.  She checked and informed me that we need to get to labor and delivery. (DUH!  I wanted to go straight there, but the hospital requires women to go to triage first... DUMB!)  A doctor came in to check me.  I could see the urgency on her face as she said, "Ok we're going to take you to labor and delivery." I replied, "No! We're having the baby in here." We continued to argue, but I was wheeled to Labor and Delivery anyway... which was downstairs.  Nurses pushed my bed as fast as they could, and this was the easiest part of my labor because the wind in my face felt good.  Plus, they ran the bed into the wall and a nurse cursed.  This made me laugh and feel proud that I wasn't the one cursing.

Delivery
I think I had just one strong contraction in the hallway.  I screamed, "No No, I can't do this.  I don't want to do this! Michael, what were we thinking!?"  Once I was in a room, a doctor came in quickly to help me deliver my baby.  There was no time for monitors or IV (yes!).  Baby was coming out!  Nurses tried to move me from the triage bed onto a delivery bed, but I absolutely refused.  Then, I gave a push, and saw my baby's precious little head.  This was the moment that my attitude switched from fear and anxiety to excitement and happiness.  My smile was huge as I pushed one more time and my baby's body was out.  After waiting for 9 months, I finally got to see what she looked like! (I didn't see her profile at her 20 week anatomy ultrasound because she had her arm over her face.) I immediately reached for my tiny, naked baby.  She didn't want to nurse, so I just held her close and enjoyed her for a while.  Finally, the nurses were able to lift me to the delivery bed.  At that point, Baby and I were in our own little world.  Until... I had more horrible contractions.  I said, "What is this?  What's happening?" Someone said, "You have to deliver the after birth." Oh yeah.  I forgot about that.  The umbilical cord pulsed a while, and then Michael got to cut it.  Finally, I felt like I was delivering a twin (after birth), and we were done.

Trying to Smile During a Contraction

Recovery
While Michael and I ooh'ed and aw'ed over our Baby Girl, a nurse asked, "So, what's this baby's name." Michael announced, "Joy!"  I smiled, "Really!?"  She was perfect.

Our Joy Magdalene Roberson. Born at 8:08 a.m. She weighed 8 pounds 5 ounces, and she was 20 inches long. I got cleaned up, changed clothes, and then we were moved (again) to recovery.  We spent the rest of the day celebrating Joy with lots of visitors.  It was a beautiful day!

Newborn Photo by Shannon Bedo

The Jesse Tree Project

What a glorious day!

It began with my favorite breakfast made by my love: fried egg, toast, and a huge mug of French pressed coffee.  I actually got to sit through Sunday school, because Michael took our noisy Baby Joy into the hallway.  Then, we met up with friends for a potluck lunch, and the kids played for hours in the lovely Fall weather.  They were so worn out, that ALL THREE slept in the car on the way home. This evening, I dropped Karis and Judah off at Awanas, and I received my set of Jesse Tree Project ornaments!

Judah and Karis dressed in their Turkey Shirts for Awanas

Three weeks ago, I met up with 23 other ladies and we each chose a Bible story from the lineage of Christ.  I chose "Elijah and the Big Fire."  I have spent every day working on 25 ornaments, exactly the same each, that represent this story about Elijah. I decided to make my ornament replicate the alter that Elijah built.  He used 12 stones and sticks (however I ran out of time and omitted the sticks).  Then Elijah poured water over the alter, and he believed that God could light the fire even though it was soaked.  And He did!
Our group met last night for the ornament exchange.  I heard it was a really neat event, but I was not able to attend due to conflict.  However, the highlight of my day today was when my friend, Kristen handed over my completed set of custom Jesse Tree Project ornaments!  Check them out...

During the month of December, our family will do this devotional together.  Each day has an ornament and a story.  This is my second set of ornaments, so this year, Karis and Judah each get to put an ornament on the tree every day.  I'm so excited!

Here's the website for those who want to learn more: http://jessetreeproject.com/

A Note of Gratitude

Baby Joy is 3 weeks old today, and as I reflect on the past 3 weeks, I am overwhelmed with gratefulness.

Shortly after Joy's safe and exciting delivery, our recovery room was full of family and friends who celebrated her birthday with us.  They brought gifts, treats, flowers, and balloons.  My heart was overflowing.  We didn't stay at the hospital long, but while we were there we received tons of love and support from our midwife and nursing staff too.

I am prone to postpartum depression, but by God's grace I have experienced the opposite during these three weeks.  Our family and friends have nourished my soul by covering my family and me with prayers, scripture, gifts, meals, and love.  The gift of meals has been a HUGE blessing.  Our fridge has remained full.  Thank you, because I could not provide food for my family during the chaos.  You lifted a heavy burden.

I am also appreciative of the understanding for the crazy things I say and do because I'm sleep deprived.  I've only had time to shower a handful of times.  I think I've fixed my hair twice and put on makeup maybe three times.  I look rough!  But the understanding from those who love me is limitless.  Thank you for supporting me as I recovered and for allowing me to have some sort of "maternity leave" even though I'm not working.

I am most grateful for my biggest supporter and number one fan.  My husband, Michael.  He coached me during my horrible labor pains.  He has constantly encouraged me, telling me I'm doing a good job being a mommy.  He's lost a lot of sleep, taking over household duties so that I can get the rest I need to stay sane.  I'm crazy in love with that man!

Thank you to my entire support system.

Photo by Shannon Bedo

Miss You, Pastor Phil

They say grief is good.  It's healthy to cry.  But I'm tired of being sad.  When will the pain end?  It seems as though I'll never stop missing Pastor Phil.  I'm looking forward to when memories of him make me smile rather than cry.  In the middle of the night, I cannot sleep because memories are replaying in my head.

Pastor Phil was a very busy man, and I'm so grateful for the time he gave to love and encourage my family.

Before we were married, he counseled Michael and me.  We discussed the 5 biggest struggles in marriage (I can't remember the order): Money, Sex, Extended Family, Time, Parenting. Pastor Phil was full of endless wisdom, and we cling to his lessons on marriage and faith. We were delighted that he and Brenda attended our marriage ceremony.  They have always been there for life's most important events.

We weren't married long when Michael was in a life-threatening accident.  It was in the evening.  Pastor Phil was off work and probably enjoying his dinner at home, but he came right away.  Pastor Phil was one of the first at the hospital to pray for us and support us during our fear.

When Michael was on a church committee that faced opposition and anger, Pastor Phil and Brenda sweetly encouraged and loved both of us.

I'll never forget the situation when a girl from my Sunday school class cried when our female youth pastor preached following a youth retreat.  She loved our church, but didn't agree that a female should preach.  Pastor Phil stood up for our youth pastor.  He explained our church's views on the matter, and suggested that this may not be the right church for her.  I felt empowered that day.  Since then, Pastor Phil, along with the Stoltenberg and Goodman families, have pushed me to get out of my cozy red chair and follow God's will to lead.  Christ calls His people to do mighty things, and He equips us for whatever he calls us to do.

Michael and I love Pastor Phil's sense of humor, and we enjoyed teasing him.  After each Sunday morning service, he'd greet folks in the "Trinity Cafe."  Michael and I referred to it as "Phil's Pub."  Our title is fitting because Pastor Phil was friendly to ALL people.  I admire how he fits in among the affluent country club/cafe type people, yet he warmly hugged the necks of visitors, children, orphans, ... me.

One Sunday, after church our "Newly Weds" class met for lunch at an Italian restaurant.  At the end of the meal, our table of TEN asked for the bill.  The waiter informed us that it's already been taken care of, and he pointed to Brenda and Phil sitting on the patio.  We were stunned by his generosity.  I still feel indebted to them.

Our daughter, Karis was born in 2011, and we were delighted when Phil and Brenda arrived at the hospital to hold our new bundle of joy and pray scripture over her. Pastor Phil was also present after the birth of our son Judah.  Pastor Phil dedicated both of our kids to the Lord at SLBC.  We're expecting our third child, and I know her birth and dedication will be joyous occasions, but I wish Pastor Phil could be there.

Karis's Dedication

Judah's Dedication

A couple months before his death, I chatted over a cup of coffee with Pastor Phil in the "Trinity Cafe."  I confessed to him that I know I shouldn't drink caffeine since I'm pregnant, but I just need it to feel normal.  Pastor Phil told me it's okay, "I understand.  I need it too."  Pastor Phil preached often about maintaining mental health by eating right, exercising, doing good for others, and avoiding watching the news.  I listened to all his advice on health, but coffee was the thing we both agree is the exception.

The list of our memories and the memories of thousands of others goes on and on.  Pastor Phil was a saint, and I'm feeling a little lost knowing that I can no longer ask him my tough questions.  I'm very grateful for the wisdom and love he gave me before going to Heaven.  I'm also grateful for his podcasts!  I'll definitely be revisiting those. SLBC Sermons

Too Scared to Be Brave

I've heard a lot of church sermons with the challenge to "be brave" or "follow your dreams."  This challenge frustrates me, as I scream inside, "I don't have time to follow my dreams!" So, again I was irritated when my Mothers of Preschoolers group announced the theme for the year: "Be You Bravely." noooooo!

Last year, I would have burned it, but now I love my sign from "Stained and Striped."

Great, I'm going to have to hear this challenge all year long.  All year long, I'll be reminded that I cannot follow my dreams.  Ten years ago, this was my plan for the future: Become a teacher, get married, have kids, continue to work, acquire masters degree.  I didn't realize having kids would interrupt these plans.  Reality check to April: Kids interrupt life!  And I have learned to be OK with that. Kids also improve my life.  My Karis and Judah are such a delight.
I can get my masters degree and go back to work later.  Right now, I'm right where I need to be.  God reminds me again and again: "Be still and know that I am God." Psalm 46:10
I have learned that dreams can change.  Now, my classroom is my kitchen.  I get to teach my own children, and it is a ton of fun.  This time will soon pass, and I'm gonna love it in the meantime.  I was thinking, maybe next year the MOPS theme could be: "Embrace Change" or "Celebrate Change."

I've also learned to be brave, because my kids are brave.  Last week, before I got a flu shot I had anxiety about it.  After the shot I whined about the pain.  I took my kids for their shots today, and they were super brave!  I'm so proud of them.

Trip to Peru

Ready!
Bags packed, taxi on its way, time for the moment I dreaded the most.  Saying goodbye to our children was the most difficult thing about our trip.  I knew they'd be safe and happy with their grandparents.  I was just sad about missing them for 9 days, and I knew it was unlikely, but I was scared there would be a freak accident and I'd never see them again.  So many tears.  I made a little photo album for the trip, and I spent a lot of time staring at their precious faces.

Once the goodbyes were over, we began the long journey to Peru.  Taxi to airport, flight to San Salvador, flight to Lima, flight to Cusco.  TIRED!

Cusco, Peru

View of Cusco

We arrived at our hotel in Cusco early in the morning, with the whole day ahead of us.  We could have explored the city, but instead we passed out in the hotel lobby while the staff prepared our room.  Once in the lovely room, we got a good nap, in a cozy bed.  Then, we were ready to go have fun.
Lunch was at Green's Organic, where I had a delicious, warm vegetarian sandwich.  Then, we traveled by cab to some archaeological sites.  It was a nice "sample platter" of what was to come.

Tombomachay

Tombomachay

Tombomachay

Puca Pucara

Alpaca too close! at Sacsayhuaman

70 ton rock at Sacsayhuaman

Energy rock at Sacsayhuaman

Aguas Calientes
After the Inka trail hike, our bus dropped us off at in Aguas Calientes.  We got to have one last meal with the family.  What a special bond we all shared on our journey.  I'll never forget those 16 family members, plus guides, chefs, and porters.
After lunch, Michael and I went to our hotel for a shower and nap.  That was the best shower ever!  Of course Michael booked another fancy hotel.  We watched the river from our balcony and contacted our families.  That nap never happened.  After a gourmet dinner, we got to meet up with 4 other family members that were also sleeping in Aguas Calientes that evening.  We also got to finally try this "pisco" liquor that is signature in Peru.

On our second day in Aguas Calientes we got massages, did some shopping, and ate some Peruvian food.  In the evening we took a luxurious train ride to our next destination....

Peru Rail

Urabumba
Michael ended our trip with the most luxurious of all of our hotel rooms.  Tambo Del Inka was beautiful!  It was dark when we arrived, but we still hit the heated indoor/outdoor pool followed by a sit in the sauna.  Dinner at the hotel restaurant was elegant and delicious.

After a deep slumber in that cozy bed, we spent the next morning walking around the market.  We didn't stay long because the smells were getting to me.  Streets were lined with women selling meats, fruits and vegetables, and beautiful flowers.  We didn't find any souvenirs.  After the market we took a cab to the salt mines.  Michael's recollection and use of Spanish was impressive.  He got us all over Peru.  I'm lucky to get to travel with him.
The salt mines in Moray were quite fascinating.  We didn't have a tour guide, and I could tell that our cab driver wanted to tell us all about it, but he didn't speak English.  He was very enthusiastic as he gestured to us to look at the flats.  The work that the Inkas did to mine the salt was brilliant.

View of Urabumba from Moray, near Salt Mines

The salt mines in Moray was our last quick adventure before catching our flight home.  Our ride picked us up at our hotel at about 11:30 am.  I really can't sleep in cars, but I slept all the way to the airport.  I didn't realize how exhausted I was.  It was a long and tiring journey home.  I was delighted at last to embrace my sweet babes when we got home.