Leap of Faith

For about 10 or 15 years, I’ve felt a strong calling and desire to adopt children.  This is mostly because I’m deeply burdened by the overwhelming number of children in orphanages and foster care.  The thought of any child growing up without a loving mommy and daddy brings tears to my eyes.  Another reason I’ve wanted to adopt is because, since I was diagnosed with IC, I’ve learned that pregnancy and labor can be a painful mystery.  Lastly, as an adult I’ve realized that I’ve never had a desire to bear children.  I’ve never once thought, “It’ll be so neat to feel a baby in my belly and try on maternity clothes.”  (Of course, I played house and carried a baby doll around when I was little, but I never wanted to pop one out!) That realization made me wonder if God’s plan for me is to adopt one or several children.

I would have been perfectly fine with adopting all of our children and having none naturally.  However, my husband, Michael has always dreamt of having offspring with his wife.  We both spent several years discussing/researching the options and praying for God’s will.  Michael still didn’t feel that same tug on his heart.  That’s perfectly understandable!  I think adoption is wonderful, but I know that God does not call everyone to do it. 

Finally, we decided that we would try to have our first baby and see where God leads us after that.  This was a terrifying decision, because like I said earlier, I have NEVER wanted to be pregnant, and I never thought I would be.  Of course, we put it off, because the other terrifying part is the knowledge that our lives (finances, time, etc.) will drastically change when there is a baby to raise.

In May 2010 we said, “Ok, we can’t put this off anymore.  God wants us to “be fruitful and multiply,” and we want to be obedient to his calling.”  So, even though we were still scared, we leapt into the unknown.  Now that we are expecting, I have spent a lot of time worrying and even crying in fear that I cannot take good care of this baby.  My Sunday school and small group friends have been wonderful prayer warriors.  Lately, I’ve felt an unimaginable peace in knowing that our baby girl is safe in God’s magnificent hands.