They say grief is good. It's healthy to cry. But I'm tired of being sad. When will the pain end? It seems as though I'll never stop missing Pastor Phil. I'm looking forward to when memories of him make me smile rather than cry. In the middle of the night, I cannot sleep because memories are replaying in my head.
Pastor Phil was a very busy man, and I'm so grateful for the time he gave to love and encourage my family.
Before we were married, he counseled Michael and me. We discussed the 5 biggest struggles in marriage (I can't remember the order): Money, Sex, Extended Family, Time, Parenting. Pastor Phil was full of endless wisdom, and we cling to his lessons on marriage and faith. We were delighted that he and Brenda attended our marriage ceremony. They have always been there for life's most important events.
We weren't married long when Michael was in a life-threatening accident. It was in the evening. Pastor Phil was off work and probably enjoying his dinner at home, but he came right away. Pastor Phil was one of the first at the hospital to pray for us and support us during our fear.
When Michael was on a church committee that faced opposition and anger, Pastor Phil and Brenda sweetly encouraged and loved both of us.
I'll never forget the situation when a girl from my Sunday school class cried when our female youth pastor preached following a youth retreat. She loved our church, but didn't agree that a female should preach. Pastor Phil stood up for our youth pastor. He explained our church's views on the matter, and suggested that this may not be the right church for her. I felt empowered that day. Since then, Pastor Phil, along with the Stoltenberg and Goodman families, have pushed me to get out of my cozy red chair and follow God's will to lead. Christ calls His people to do mighty things, and He equips us for whatever he calls us to do.
Michael and I love Pastor Phil's sense of humor, and we enjoyed teasing him. After each Sunday morning service, he'd greet folks in the "Trinity Cafe." Michael and I referred to it as "Phil's Pub." Our title is fitting because Pastor Phil was friendly to ALL people. I admire how he fits in among the affluent country club/cafe type people, yet he warmly hugged the necks of visitors, children, orphans, ... me.
One Sunday, after church our "Newly Weds" class met for lunch at an Italian restaurant. At the end of the meal, our table of TEN asked for the bill. The waiter informed us that it's already been taken care of, and he pointed to Brenda and Phil sitting on the patio. We were stunned by his generosity. I still feel indebted to them.
Our daughter, Karis was born in 2011, and we were delighted when Phil and Brenda arrived at the hospital to hold our new bundle of joy and pray scripture over her. Pastor Phil was also present after the birth of our son Judah. Pastor Phil dedicated both of our kids to the Lord at SLBC. We're expecting our third child, and I know her birth and dedication will be joyous occasions, but I wish Pastor Phil could be there.
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| Karis's Dedication |
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| Judah's Dedication |
A couple months before his death, I chatted over a cup of coffee with Pastor Phil in the "Trinity Cafe." I confessed to him that I know I shouldn't drink caffeine since I'm pregnant, but I just need it to feel normal. Pastor Phil told me it's okay, "I understand. I need it too." Pastor Phil preached often about maintaining mental health by eating right, exercising, doing good for others, and avoiding watching the news. I listened to all his advice on health, but coffee was the thing we both agree is the exception.
The list of our memories and the memories of thousands of others goes on and on. Pastor Phil was a saint, and I'm feeling a little lost knowing that I can no longer ask him my tough questions. I'm very grateful for the wisdom and love he gave me before going to Heaven. I'm also grateful for his podcasts! I'll definitely be revisiting those.
SLBC Sermons
