5 months old

Today Karis is five months old.  Wow!  I feel like it was just yesterday that she was only 3 weeks old.  That's because I feel like I'm a 3 week old mom, still doing the same things I did back then, still trying unsussessfully to figure out my new job.

We all survived Karis's first cold.  It lasted about 2 weeks, and her cough lingered on for another week.  During her sickness, I nursed more frequently to provide comfort for my ill baby.  I just realized a couple of days ago that even though Karis got better, I was still feeding her one or two times in the middle of the night.  Oops.  Time goes by too quickly.

Now that Karis is five months old, she is able to:
- roll from tummy to back, both left and right
- sit unassisted in her bumbo chair
- find her feet and pull her socks off
- spend up to 10 minutes on her tummy
- use arms to hold head up while on her tummy
- smile when smiled at, babble when talked to

IC and Breastfeeding

I knew that my pregnancy would affect my Interstitial Cystitis, and luckily it really wasn’t that bad.  However, I figured that once I had my kid, my IC would either improve or just return to the way it was before I got pregnant.  Wrong!

Lately, I have been aware of my IC every day.  It’s not horrible, but it is there.  I explained to my doctor what is going on, and she told me that since I am breastfeeding, I am still experiencing hormonal changes that cause dryness.  I asked her if it is safe to continue Elmiron (only drug on the market for controlling IC symptoms).  She said it’s up to me.  There has not been enough research to approve or disapprove of it for nursing mothers.  I have no idea what risk I’m putting Karis under if I continue taking Elmiron.  However, Elmiron has been approved for pregnancy, so I assume it’s safe for nursing.  Karis’s pediatrician asked me to only take it when I need it.  The problem is that Elmiron takes a couple of days to get into the system.  It was designed to be taken daily for pain management.  For now, I am taking it every day (except for today, I forgot, oops).

Thankful For

On the days leading up to Thanksgiving, I updated my Facebook status with things I am Thankful for. I'll admit: some days were easier than others. God has blessed me with so much to be thankful for.

I am thankful for...
1.  my loving and supportive family.
2. my hardworking husband.
3. good health.
4. wonderful girlfriends that I can call anytime to laugh or to cry with.
5.  my good girl. Karis slept 8 hours last night, and so did I!
6. the nursery workers at church.
7.  laughter.
8.  transportation so Karis and I could meet friends for coffee.
9.  my salvation and the hope I have in Jesus Christ.
10. the ability to nurse my baby.
11.  those who are serving or have served in the military. They've sacrificed time with family and many have sacrificed their lives for our freedom and safety. Thank you!
12. getting out of the house for some girl time with my sis.
13.  kindergarteners. I had a blast playing with them at church this morning.
14.  the roof over my head.
15.  my puppies. Even though I don't give them enough attention, they love me unconditionally.
16. Karis. She is my precious gift from above.
17. the encouragement I find in scripture: "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit." Romans 15:13"
18.  friends who intercede for me when I am losing my mind. Thank you, Father for answering their prayers.
19. grace.

Cereal

Karis's nutritional goal was to have nothing but breast milk until 6 months.  Before she was even 2 months, many people suggested that we try feeding her rice cereal at night to help her sleep longer.  Karis's doctor did not agree with the theory.  He was confident that she'd be sleeping better soon.  Plus, since her weight was right on track, there was no reason for an alternative form of nourishment.

At her 4 month appointment, Karis's pediatrician was surprised that Karis was not sleeping at least 8 hours at night.  He said we could go ahead and try rice cereal if we wanted to.  I definitely wanted to try it if it meant we could get some uninterrupted sleep.

We tried feeding her rice cereal from a spoon.  She happily sucked on the spoon, but did not swallow any of the cereal.  Then, we put the cereal in a bottle.  She did great with that.  The main reason we wanted to start rice cereal was to help Karis sleep through the night.  It worked for two nights, then she was back to her old routine.  I felt like the cereal was useless, plus it was creating extra work for me, having to pump every day to add liquid to Karis's cereal.  Back to plan A: solids at 6 months.  It was clear that Karis was not ready for solid foods, and when she is ready, I want her to eat from a spoon, not a bottle.

A message from Karis: (she literally did this while sitting in her Bumbo as I was proofreading)

/. .......a./

 lll.////n //.////
 n

4 Months Old

I can't believe my little cutie is already four months old.  Woah!  Slow down.  Back up.  I'm still on month one of the book, "What to Expect the First Year."  Oh well.  I guess I'll continue to figure it out as we go.

We had our four month check up today.  Karis's head circumference is in the 25th percentile, while the rest of her measurements are in the 75th percentile.  "Peanut Head" takes after her mommy.  The doctor said there is no reason to worry about this.  Karis also got to shots, and she was a champ!

Karis is still getting over her first cold and not sleeping well at night.  She rolled over for the first time a couple of weeks ago.  Karis still struggles to roll over, but she will improve.  Doc says we can start giving her rice cereal.  I think I'll try it next week.

So far, month four is the best yet!  Karis's schedule is pretty consistent, and she is becoming really wiggly and chatty.  I love hanging out with her every day!

SFA Homecoming

The first thing I said on Saturday morning was, “How much money will we lose if we cancel our hotel?”  We were already an hour late out of bed, and I really didn’t want to make the trip out of town for the weekend.  “We will lose ALL of it.”  I groaned, rolled out of bed, and began loading everything Karis owns into the Accord.  With Michael’s help, we finally made it on the road to Nacogdoches for SFA’s homecoming.  The hardest part, getting out of the house, was over, and I was excited to see my friends. 

We stopped once to feed Karis, no problems.  Then, we went straight to Stacy’s Deli in Nacogdoches to meet my college buddies for lunch.  It was so nice to see Justin, Amber, and their little girl Brynn, Brooke and her sweet boy Titus, Keri, Jacob, Shawn, Callie, Cory, Denise, Sam, and Lerin.  I was happy for Mary and Josh, because they got to go on a cruise, but I was so SAD that I didn’t get to see them at homecoming. L

It was getting close to Karis’s next meal time, but I really wanted to stop at the bookstore to buy her an SFA onesie before the game.  Poor girl.  I pushed the limit, and by the time I got to feed her she was screaming her head off.  Michael drove around, Karis took a little nap, and then I was able to feed her.

Next, we met the gang at the stadium for the football game.  Karis did great in the Moby wrap.  It was very convenient too!  We just ran into a couple of problems: First, Karis spit up all over the front of herself and on my shirt.  Then, I turned her around, thinking if she spits up, it will go on the ground.  How dare I forget about her backside!  Sure enough, Karis had an explosion, and my shirt that was covered in spit-up also got poop on it.  Gross!  I did not want to deal with this!  Praise the Lord for Karis’s daddy!  The two of us found a secluded spot to get Karis all cleaned up.  I didn’t have an extra shirt, so I just had to wipe my shirt with a baby wipe and cover the stain with my sweater.  Ugh, so embarrassing.  After all that commotion, we sat and enjoyed the game a little.  Then, it was time to eat again.  I have never hated nursing more than when I had to do it in a football stadium, surrounded on every side, plus up and down. 

Break time!  At that point, I had enough.  Michael took Karis to sit with the group while I just sat by myself for a few minutes and ate a snack.  SFA even scored a touchdown, but I didn’t care, because I was in my own little world.  SFA did end up winning the game; I can’t even tell you what the score was.

Everyone met for dinner at my old fav: La Carretta.  Karis did wonderful at the restaurant!  We spent the night at La Quinta, and I was up replacing Karis’s pacifier once per hour.  Even though I got plenty of sleep, it was interrupted a lot, and I was quite exhausted in the morning.  We didn’t have plans till 11:30, so we enjoyed hanging out in the hotel room just playing with Karis. 

For lunch, we met up with Mary’s parents, Rita and JB.  They treated us at Cotton Patch.  So nice!  It was wonderful to catch up with them.  As usual, they showed us lots of love and encouragement.  Lots of people stopped at our table to ask if Karis was their granddaughter. J

The drive home went well.  Karis slept most of the way.  She was glad to get out of her carseat when we got home!

What time is it? Joy time!

Last week Karis was crying a lot.  She screamed so loud, and often there was nothing I could do to fix it.  It was stressing me out.  One evening, she finally fell asleep around midnight and woke up at 4:30 and 6:30.  I was exhausted and feeling totally down.  I sat on my bed crying and praying, “Lord, I can’t do this.  I NEED you.  Please help me through this phase.”  I had also been praying for peace and acceptance of my decision to stay at home rather than going back to work.  At 7:04 that morning, I woke up feeling delirious and confused.  I stared at the clock, and all I could see was JOY (as if the 7 was upside down).  Joy?  What did it mean?  I felt the Lord’s comfort right then, telling me He’d give me joy.  Then I dug through the Bible for a verse that would give me comfort.  Again, God spoke, “I pray that the God who gives hope will fill you with much joy and peace while you trust in him.  Then your hope will overflow by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Romans 15:13. The next night, I dreamt that my friend, Shannon and I were doing a word search.  The first word on the list was “joy.”  I pointed to the word and exclaimed, “There it is! Joy!  I found joy!”  When I woke up, I felt overwhelmed with peace and joy, and I knew that my friend Shannon had been praying for me.  Praise the Lord for taking care of me and meeting my needs in low moments like these. 

Enjoying every moment

Traveling with a Newborn

Our friends Nate and Kaela got married in Corpus Christi this past weekend.  We could have come home after the wedding, but I love any opportunity to get away… especially to the beach!  Getting out of the house took much longer than it did when it was just Michael and me.  Karis requires a lot of stuff!  We stayed in a hotel, so she needed her pack-n-play.  We were also planning to go to the aquarium, so she needed her stroller.  Those two items took up the whole trunk.  I don’t know how Michael did it, but he made everything fit.

The ceremony began at 4pm.  I planned Karis’s entire day out so that we could stop once on the way to eat.  Then, she’d sleep through the ceremony (so that I could enjoy it), and eat at 5pm.  Instead of sleeping through the ceremony, Karis screamed louder and longer than I’d ever heard before (or maybe it just seemed worse since we were in public).  I tried to rock her on the porch and watch the ceremony through the window.  No luck.  I was getting some looks.  With Karis strapped in her Moby wrap, I covered her head and ran through the wind and rain to the car.  After performing “the five S’s,” Karis fell asleep for about 30 minutes.  When she woke up, I fed her.  Bummer!  I missed the entire ceremony.  

Karis and Daddy's first dance

Asleep at the Party - too much to drink

Friends passed Karis around during the reception, and she did great.  Eventually, I strapped her back in the Moby and “danced” with her.  She peacefully fell asleep, and Michael and I enjoyed the rest of the wedding reception. 

April and Karis with Ellen and Charlotte

(April's messy hair - Remember the wind and rain?)

Michael with the Groom, Nate

We got to our hotel right at Karis’s bedtime.  As usual, she ate, and I put her in bed.  Then, she cried for about 15 minutes.  I was just waiting for the phone to ring, “We’ve received complaints from other guests, and we’d kindly like for you to find another hotel for the night.”  Thankfully that never happened.  I gave in and rocked Karis to sleep.  Finally, at about 11:30, she fell asleep.  Karis woke up once to eat, and then slept till 8am.  It felt stressful at the time, but when I look back, I see that Karis did a pretty good job!

The groom’s brother, Jon is Michael’s childhood friend.  We went to his house for breakfast at 9 am.  Jon and his wife Ellen have two small children, Theo and Charlotte.  Since we were enjoying each other’s company so much, we never made it to the aquarium.  Truthfully, I’m glad.  It would have been difficult to go to the aquarium with the kids.  My biggest concern was nursing in public.  I was much more comfortable taking care of Karis at Jon’s house.

Charlotte and Karis

Jon and Michael

Not that I’m ready to leave town this weekend, but all in all, our first family trip was a success.

Encouragement Everywhere

Karis and I were out for our morning stroll, and she was dressed in a onesie with pink flowers (so cute!).  A man asked, “Is that a little girl or little boy?”  I tried to hold back one of my condescending faces that revealed exactly what I was thinking.  Then, he said, “That right there is the best decision you’ll ever make.”  My response, “That’s more encouraging than you know.  Thank you.”

The decision to have a kid, quit a wonderful job, and stay home was the hardest decision I’ve ever made.  I made the decision 5 months ago, and I still wonder if I did the right thing.  I LOVE taking care of Karis, and teaching her just gets more and more exciting.  However, I still think about my old job almost every day.  My family and friends have listened to me complain a lot about this decision.  Every time, they offer encouraging words, advice, and prayers.  I am so lucky to have them!  If I were one of my friends, I’d say, “April, get over it already!  It’s time to accept your new role.  You are blessed!  Enjoy every minute, and make the most of it.”

Enough is Enough

For several years, I have taken 2 medications to keep my IC under control.  Elmiron and Elavil worked well for me.  Elavil is not approved for pregnant mothers; so, I got off of that immediately with no problem.  (Fortunately, I was blessed with a low stress job.  That helped keep pain down too.)  I continued to take the Elmiron throughout my pregnancy.  After Karis was born, I learned that there has been little research on the safety of Elmiron for breastfed babies.  Since no one has said that it's safe, I didn't want to take the chance with my precious baby.  For about 6 weeks I was pretty much symptom free.  Then, I had some mild pain that was manageable with Tylenol.  During week 10, I was experiencing more severe IC pain that was not relieved by Tylenol.  One morning I decided I'd had enough.  The pain was wearing me out, and I wasn't able to get to the bathroom as frequently as my body was telling me to.  So, I took the Elmiron.  I've been taking it for several days now, and this episode hasn't calmed down completely.  I will continue my morning dose of Elmiron.  :-/
I've heard that some women with IC have no symptoms after pregnancy.  I was excited, thinking I would be a part of that group, but I was teased during the first 6 weeks after Karis's birth.  Oh well.  It was nice while it lasted. 

Over Protective Mommy

This morning, Karis was still asleep at 9 am. She's never slept passed 8! I went to her room to check on her. Karis was sound asleep and looked peaceful... too peaceful. I panicked, grabbed her little toes, and shook. Karis wiggled a little and fell back asleep. Poor baby; I interrupted her slumber. She only slept 5 minutes after that.
I guess I am one of those moms. I always new I would be.

Adventure

Lately, I've been craving adventure.  I guess it's because my physical activity was quite limited for nearly 9 months.  Now, I have to get it out of my system.  "Man Vs. Wild" has also added to this sudden desire for adventure.  Not that I want to camp inside of an igloo or pee in a thermos, but Bear Grylls gets to see some amazing landscapes.

A couple of summers ago, I got to hike in Colorado and Puerto Rico.  That was a wonderful summer!  The scenery in the mountains and the rain forest were unbelievable.  I want to see and experience something new.  Michael and I talked about backpacking Machu Picchu (it was surprisingly my idea), and now I can't get it out of my head.  My sister, Beka did it; so, she can give us some tips.  That trip may not happen within this year, since I'm nursing Karis.  ...but who knows.  Wait and see what adventures lie ahead for the Robersons!

Best Friends Forever

This morning, I stared at Karis on the baby monitor.  She was wiggling and cooing, but not quite awake yet.  So, I just let her rest, but I wanted to go wake her up so bad!  I missed my little girl. 

We’ve spent a lot of time together during the last six weeks.  Some days, other than Michael, Karis is the only person I see.  We have definitely bonded, and she has become my best little buddy.  I love her sooooo much!

When Karis finally opened her eyes, I eagerly went to her side.  “Good morning, Beautiful!”  She looked up at Mommy with her big brown eyes and the most precious smile.

Karis, I need you.

Normally I pick up Karis because she needs me, but this time I NEEDED her.

I nursed Karis at 8pm and put her down to sleep. At 4 am I woke up feeling like there was an anvil on my chest. I jumped out of bed and wanted to run down the hall yelling, "Karis! Time to eat!"  I quietly crept into her room. Thank goodness she was awake. My sweet little girl was lying in her bassinet, eyes wide open and squirming out of her swaddle.

Aprils Pros and Cons to Breastfeeding:
Cons
- It was painful at first (but better now).

- I worry about leaking in public.
- None of my tops fit anymore.
- I can't eat whatever I want.
- Sometimes I'm the only one who can soothe Karis.

Pros
- Sometimes I'm the only one who can soothe Karis.
- Even though I'm not earning money right now, I'm saving our family a lot by not buying formula.
- Less bottle washing.

- For several hours each day, I get Karis (happy and quiet) all to my self.

Missing Identity

School is starting up soon, and I should be attending trainings and getting my students' folders ready. Instead, I'm staring at a crying, hungry baby, thinking, "Who am I?"

I spent four years studying to teach children with hearing impairments. Then, I spent four years doing my dream job. Just when I had a good handle on my career, and people treated me like an expert in my field, my life took a 180.  Now, I have a new job: raising a child, and I don't know what I'm doing.  I haven't trained for this.  I feel like I am standing outside of my body, staring at myself but looking at a stranger.  I really feel lost.  When will I get used to my new role?  Right now, I still feel like my identity is a teacher.  How often have I proudly told people that I teach Deaf children?  Their response, "You know Sign Language?!"  "Yes, I do!"

One day, Michael took Karis to work with him in the morning to give me a break.  I really needed to catch up on some sleep.  However, once Karis was out of the house, I felt purposeless.  Then, I turned on the radio and heard this song.  Even though it made me cry, I felt better because I felt understood...

You Are More by Tenth Avenue North

There's a girl in the corner
With tear stains on her eyes
From the places she's wandered
And the shame she can't hide

She says, "How did I get here?
I'm not who I once was.
And I'm crippled by the fear
That I've fallen too far to love"

But don't you know who you are,
What's been done for you?
Yeah don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Well she tries to believe it
That she's been given new life
But she can't shake the feeling
That it's not true tonight

She knows all the answers
And she's rehearsed all the lines
And so she'll try to do better
But then she's too weak to try

But don't you know who you are?

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

'Cause this is not about what you've done,
But what's been done for you.
This is not about where you've been,
But where your brokenness brings you to

This is not about what you feel,
But what He felt to forgive you,
And what He felt to make you loved.

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create,
You've been remade.

Parenthood is Easy

Karis finally fell asleep and I was going to get to take a shower for the first time in days.  As I stepped one foot into the shower, what did I hear?  "Waah!  Waah!"  Karis was fine; she just wanted to be held.  I was SO annoyed.  The second I scooped her up she was silenced.  I held her close to my chest and rocked her for about 3 minutes before she was out again.  It honestly felt really good.  As soon as my baby knew that Mommy had her, she was ok.  She felt safe and secure.  I could have put her back in bed and continued what I was doing.  Instead, I sat on the couch holding my perfect sleeping baby.  I looked at her and thought, "This is when parenthood is easy."

Happy Birthday Karis

I've been wanting to write up Karis's birthday story ever since she was born.  I thought, "I need to hurry and do this before I forget it all."  Trust me; I still remember every detail of those traumatic few days...

On Friday morning (July 15th), around 10:30, I was sitting on the couch being my usual lazy self, watching trashy MTV shows.  I ignored what I thought was "Braxton Hicks Contractions," because I've had them for the past 3 months.  But when I had 3 in one hour, I thought something might be up.  I started timing them.  The contractions were inconsistent and 20 minutes or less apart.  I texted Michael, just to let him know, but I thought for sure they'd space out and we'd meet Karis in a couple more weeks as planned. 

It was so hot outside, and I really wanted to go for a walk.  So, I went to Wal-Mart.  I walked around for about an hour, gripping the shopping cart as my contractions became closer and more intense. 

When I returned home, I decided to time the contractions again.  Now they were a consistent 5-10 minutes apart.  I was still in denial that this was the real deal.  When Michael got home from work we made dinner plans (we had a groupon that was about to expire).  Then, we packed up the car just in case we had to go to the hospital.  During dinner and dessert, my contractions continued to be regular, but I could still walk and talk during them.  We decided to head on home and get some rest.  I probably slept an hour that night.  The contractions got more and more intense.  I kept waking Michael up, "I need you."  He coached me through each one.  Finally, they got so bad that I was crying, couldn't walk, couldn't talk, and I definitely couldn't focus well enough to do the breathing techniques we'd practiced.  I kept asking, "Do we need to go?"  Finally at 4:30 in the morning, Michael very decisively said, "Let's go."  On the ride there, Michael made a few phone calls, and I had to cut some of his calls short.

We arrived at the hospital and had to go through all these dumb procedures.  I was mad, and told the nurse, "I already took care of registration. I was told we'd only have to fill out one form when we got here for delivery."  I can't imagine why I was so cranky!  Seriously?  I was collapsing to the floor, in so much pain, and having to initial a bunch of consent forms.  I have NO idea what I consented to that morning.  By the way, it was now Saturday, July 16th.  I had only slept one hour since Thursday night.

In the triage, we handed the nurse our birth plan.  She opened my cute file folder and said, "No, I don't need this.  Where's the form from your doctor."  How rude.  She began hooking me up to monitors and checked dilation.  I was at 4cm and 100% effaced.  The nurse then (finally!) quickly moved me into a delivery room.  Another nurse came in to give me my IV.  I told her, “No.  My doctor agreed that we could hydrate with water.”  The nurse put up a big stink.  I asked for a Heparin Lock, and she still didn't like my idea.  Michael explained that in our birth plan, we requested no IV.  When we toured the hospital and spoke with our doctor, everyone agreed that this was fine.  The nurse, in terrible Sign Language finger spelled "N-O."  This lady was pissing me off.  I decided to ignore her and just let my Michael deal with her.  Another nurse said she'd call and ask the doc.  Luckily, our doctor agreed to a Hep Lock for 2 hours.  Whenever the room was free of nurses, Michael snuck me Gatorade, water, and Jelly Belly energy shots (yum!). 

By 8am I had been suffering from 3 hours of pain worse than I could have ever imagined.  I was losing energy and will power.  I told the nurse, "Get the epidural, now."  I tried really hard to do this all natural.  Now, I reached my limit; I could not do this anymore.  I was afraid I'd run out of energy to push, and then I'd have to have a C-section.  Who knew when this kid was coming?  At 9cm, my epidural was administered.  It kicked in right away, and I could feel nothing below my waist.  Then, I was able to get some MUCH needed sleep. 

Around 10:30 am the meds were wearing off and I could feel the contractions slightly.  I was glad to be a part of my baby's delivery again.  The nurse said we can start pushing if we want, or we can wait till Doc gets here.  I asked if the doctor would want to break my water, and the nurse said, "Yes."  So, quite scared of what was about to happen, and not so sure of my answer, I said, "Ok, I... guess... we'll... start... pushing."  Soon after the pushing began, my water broke on its own.  Michael, the nurse, and I all giggled with excitement because we knew that Karis was protected by that bag of waters for a long time.  We also knew that we were going to see her soon.  Soon was right!  Michael got to see the top of her head numerous times.  For about 2 hours I pushed during contractions.  When the doc arrived, things started moving much more quickly. 

I worked hard to push Karis out, screaming, “Ou! Get her out.”   Finally, she was out at 1:39pm.  I was exhausted and delirious.  The room was frantic with a crowd of nurses.  Michael tried to control the whole situation.  I couldn’t believe all the commotion during this joyous occasion in my life.  Nurses tried to take Karis away to clean her and do all her tests.  As Michael was telling them, “No! Put her on her Mommy’s chest.  She needs to nurse.” the doctor immediately clamped Karis’s umbilical cord.  We had told our doctor in advance that we wanted it to pulse for a while.  Too late.  Ugh!  So, Michael tried to ignore what just happened.  Confused, I held Karis, and Michael cut the cord. 

After that, things seemed to calm down quickly.  The lights were turned down low (the way I wanted them during my labor, but who cares what I want), the nurses left the room, and Michael and I finally got to spend some time with our baby.  *Deep Breaths* I’m exhausted from telling the story! 

Lots of people came to visit our sweet girl that afternoon and on Sunday.  She was so perfect and cute!  Karis weighed 7 pounds 13 ounces and she was 20 and ¼ inches long.  We love our precious angel!

Cankles and Weight Gain

This week we had our 38 week appointment.  Not much has changed.  I'm still 1 cm dilated, but now I am 80% effaced.  I was also informed that I do not have Group B Strep.  I was so happy that the doctor didn't mention induction!  I've been trying to walk a lot so that Karis will move down and come all by herself before the due date.  If we go passed the due date, I'm sure her doctor will want to induce (and I will have to put up a fight).
After the appointment, the nurse gave me a copy of my records to take with me to the hospital (in case I go into labor before the next appointment).  When I got to the car, I immediately pulled out the record and scanned the "weight" column.  When I realized that I've gained 40 pounds since our first appointment tears streamed down my face.  This is not what I expected.  How did that happen?  How hard will it be to return to my "pre-baby" weight?  So discouraging. :(
I've also been really down about my "cankles."  This is a term from the TV show "Friends" defined as: The point at which one is so obese that there is no thinning of the leg between the calf and the ankle, which creates a sense of fusion between the two. Consequently "Cankle" comes from the fusion of CAlf and aNKLE. Fortunately, my feet, ankles and calves only started swelling about 2 weeks ago. I've been successful at getting them to shrink by elevating them and applying ice.  However, this last week has been hopeless.  No matter what I do, I still have putty legs (when I press on my leg, it makes a dent like silly putty).  With the weight gain and cankles I feel like I have lost control of my body.  It will be nice to have control over my body again after delivery.

Pictured: My bump at 38 weeks.  Not Pictured: Cankles

At the Doc... Again

At our appointment Tuesday, Doc said she wanted to do an ultrasound.  I questioned the reasoning.  Everything was good right?  No reason for concern?  She agreed, but still wanted to do an ultrasound, because she does one on all of her patients at this point in their pregnancies.  Ok...
I still feel guilty about the ultrasound I requested at 18 weeks to find out the gender.  It wasn't medically necessary, and I should have just waited.  I just want to keep Karis as safe as possible, not exposing her to anything harmful.  I wanted to keep the peace with our doctor, so we agreed to schedule an ultrasound.
This afternoon, Michael arrived just as the nurse, Peaches called me into her room.  I was so glad Karis's daddy could make it!  It was hard to see very much on the monitor during the ultrasound.  Karis is so squished inside my belly!  Peaches informed us that Karis is about 7.5 pounds, give or take half a pound.  I was shocked!  I didn't think she'd be that big already, but Peaches said that's about 50th percentile for this stage in my pregnancy.  So, Karis is normal.  I just hope she doesn't weigh much more for the delivery (I shouldn't keep my hopes up though).  As expected, all other measurements were perfect.  We'll meet her soon... any day.

Here is Karis's 37 week ultrasound picture.  It was hard for the nurse to capture much in one picture, since our daughter is short on space.  If you can make out the image, here is Karis's perfect little head.

37 Week Checkup and Fears

We had our 37 week appointment yesterday.  This was the first time Doc checked my cervix.  The report: 1 cm dilated, 50% effaced.  I wasn't expecting to hear that I started dilating, but I wasn't very alarmed by this either.  I've heard that a woman can be at 1 or 2 cm for a week or two.  The shock came when I asked, "When do you think I might deliver." The doctor confidently said, "I'm thinking maybe next week."  My jaw dropped.  That would be 2 weeks early!  I still have to keep in mind that everyone's different, and Karis could come in one week or four weeks.  Who knows?  However, this was my to-do list.
The exam itself caused a lot of very uncomfortable pressure.  I don't look forward to doing this every week.  (I'm sure the discomfort of the exam is nothing compared to labor and delivery.)  I continued to feel a little pressure for about 24 hours.  The doctor did not warn me that I'd experience this, so I'm guessing it's an IC related thing.  Plus, the baby's head has moved down a little, causing additional pressure.
The thought that I could go into labor next week really freaks me out.  We have been well trained and educated on the whole process, but... still freaked out.  My thoughts change from, "I need more time, maybe I'll feel ready in a month." to "I just want it to be over with." to "I don't want to deliver!  Can't the doctor just put me to sleep, and when I wake up Karis will be there?"

IC doing well... until lately

I haven't said much on the blog about IC, because it has been quite normal.  I've had flairs, caused by God only knows what, sometimes lasting up to a week.  I had those random flairs before becoming pregnant.  As our baby grows, the only abnormal IC related discomfort I've experienced is when she kicks or moves near my bladder.  It's an alarming, stabbing feeling that only lasts a second.
As I write this, I am 35 weeks pregnant and aware of my IC every day.  Before, I only experienced urgency during flairs.  Now, the urgency is consistent.  With this 5+ pound baby sitting on my bladder, I always feel like I have to go to the restroom.  I could go every 5 minutes and spend the whole day in the restroom.  That's no way to live.  So, I try to ignore the urge the best I can until I can't stand it anymore.  I go about every hour during the day and every 2 hours at night.  Car rides have been the most painful.  A road that seemed smooth before all of the sudden is like a mountain range.

Baby’s First Vacation

We’ve been planning to travel to Norway for quite some time, but getting pregnant put a little kink in the plans.  Our baby is due in July, so we definitely had to make our plans early.  The summer would be too difficult.  We decided that it would be okay to plan the vacation for my second trimester, and the doctor approved.

Being pregnant actually didn’t change things that much.  I still had travel anxiety and complained about packing… nothing unusual for me.  During the flight, I wore loose fitting clothing, drank plenty of water, got up often, and sat close to the restroom… again, nothing unusual for me. 

When our flight arrived in Norway, our friends, Britt Eva, Kjartan, and their baby, Ingval picked us up at the airport.  It was about 25 degrees.  Brr!  We all took a stroll in the park that had about 200 naked statues.  That was strange to me, and our friends laughed at my discomfort.

The next few days, we did a lot of walking in Oslo.  We went to the local grocery store, toured all over down town, and saw several museums.  I became tired a lot more quickly than the rest of the gang.  I tried not to complain.  Each night I’d realize how much walking we’d done, because I woke up with “charlie-horses” and back pain.  Fortunately, I was able to fit in little naps here-and-there, and whenever I saw a bench I sat down.

Half way through the trip, we took an eight-hour train ride to Stavanger.  This is the way to travel!  The seats and aisles were much roomier than those on an airplane.  Plus, we traveled with baby Ingvill, and she had room to crawl and play. 

This baby mama was well taken care of during the trip, but the worst part was the 10 hour flight home.  I know, I’m such a brat, but never again will I sit in economy for a flight over 5 hours long.  Unfortunately, the airline screwed up on giving me the aisle seat that Michael had reserved.  The guy sitting next to me slept most of the flight, and I felt rude bothering him.  I really should have gotten up every hour, but I was only able to get up 3 times.  It was awful!  Plus, the seats were uncomfortable, and my lower back was killing me.  By the end of the flight, I was sitting on a blanket, pillow, and two coats. 

Lesson learned… I shouldn’t go on trips this lengthy while pregnant.  Also, I don’t recommend it to others with interstitial cystitis.  Enough complaining…. I do not regret the trip.  It was wonderful catching up with my dear friend Britt Eva, who I have not seen in years. 

Breasts

That title got your attention, didn’t it!?  Yeah, getting attention… my breasts know the feeling, and I don’t like it!

Last week I had lunch with some friends.  One friend, who I had not seen in a while said, “April! You have breasts!”  I was shocked by her comment, and so embarrassed when the whole group turned to look.  I had to go to the bathroom to regain my composure. 

People have told me that I’m going to have to ignore all the crazy comments during pregnancy.  Looking back on this situation, it is quite comical.  I’m glad this friend was at least a little creative.  It’s better than saying, “April! You’re huge!”

I little while later, someone at the lunch table asked if I was planning to nurse.  Once I told her yes, everyone began giving me advice (which I love and need).  However, at one point, I wanted to scream, “Can we please stop talking about my nipples!”  Why does this continue to be the topic of conversation?

First Trimester

The first 6 weeks of pregnancy ignorance was great!  The doctor confirmed my pregnancy at 8 weeks.  I went 10 weeks without any symptoms, and just as I thought, “This is too good to be true,” the morning sickness began. 

I felt nauseous pretty much every day, and I threw up about 2 mornings per week.  It was hard to drag myself to work!  I did have to call in sick twice.  I hated doing that.  The best relief for my morning nausea was saltines.  My mom suggested keeping saltines on my night stand.  Every morning, I’d eat a few crackers and sit in bed for about 5 minutes before rushing out of bed.  Tums were great too!  During this time, I had zero appetite, and I lost 6 pounds (that took a long time to regain).   At week 14, I felt like this would never end.  Was I going to be unlucky and have morning sickness throughout my pregnancy?  I was encouraged by a friend who said her morning sickness lasted until week 16, and luckily my story was the same.

In addition to nausea, my Interstitial Cystitis flared up a little bit during the first trimester, sometimes for a week or two without ceasing.  I didn’t feel pressure on my bladder, because the baby was still tiny.  The urgency, burning, and frequency increased.  I believe this was due to hormonal changes, because I did not change my meds or eating habits.

The last significant pregnancy symptom during my first trimester was tender breasts.  Tender may not be the right word.  They HURT LIKE CRAZY!  At first, I thought, “This is no big deal.  It feels like the usual soreness I get at the beginning of my cycle.”  But it just kept getting worse, and worse, and worse.  I used ice packs or cold bottles of water for relief.  The reward for the pain was extra attention from my husband due to my changing body.  See, it’s not so bad. *wink*

Trying to Conceive (TTC)

WARNING!!! This post may be TMI, but keep in mind, the purpose is to inform IC patients about my personal experiences with pregnancy.  STOP reading if you’d rather not know my personal details.

At my preconception checkup, I asked my OB lots of questions, including, “What if this takes a while?  When can we find out if my husband or I have fertility problems?”  She told me to try for a year and come back if we are unsuccessful.  A year?!  I’m way too impatient for that.

I immediately began researching conception.  I also printed a wonderful chart from thebump.com.  This helped me keep track of every little detail about my cycle including: start, finish, ovulation days, temperature, soreness, cramping, love-making days, etc.  I bought an inexpensive “basal body temperature” thermometer from the grocery store.  In addition to the chart, I kept track of all of these using 2 different apps on my phone.  (I know… a little obsessive)  The apps told me my fertile days and the best days to try to conceive.

Well, obviously books, charts, and apps won’t get a person pregnant!  It was time for Hubby’s favorite part, getting busy.  I read that when trying to conceive, after a session of love-making you should try to just lie down for 10-15 minutes (please don’t make me explain why).  That was difficult!  IC patients are prone to infection.  To prevent infections, cleanliness is key.  After trying to conceive, I wanted to jump up, go the bathroom, and take a bath to relieve that usual pain.  There were many times that I think we may have missed out on fertilization because I could not lie there.  I’d just say, “Oh well; next month.”  However, some people don’t think it matters whether or not you lie down for a while or get up right away.

A person with IC has to take advantage of the good days and rest on the bad days, but that was difficult when a chart was telling me exactly which days I must make-love.  I found myself, once again saying, “Oh well; next month” when I was experiencing too much discomfort to try to conceive.  I hate to tell you this, but by the fourth month, I was just desperate to get pregnant already; so, I had to fight through the pain on those bad IC days.

Yikes! I really hate to end a post in this discouraging way, but I’m being honest.  Trying to conceive was not simple, and it took time.  Both partners have to be understanding, and sacrifices have to be made.  Keep reading to learn about the rewards Michael and I are already experiencing…    

Leap of Faith

For about 10 or 15 years, I’ve felt a strong calling and desire to adopt children.  This is mostly because I’m deeply burdened by the overwhelming number of children in orphanages and foster care.  The thought of any child growing up without a loving mommy and daddy brings tears to my eyes.  Another reason I’ve wanted to adopt is because, since I was diagnosed with IC, I’ve learned that pregnancy and labor can be a painful mystery.  Lastly, as an adult I’ve realized that I’ve never had a desire to bear children.  I’ve never once thought, “It’ll be so neat to feel a baby in my belly and try on maternity clothes.”  (Of course, I played house and carried a baby doll around when I was little, but I never wanted to pop one out!) That realization made me wonder if God’s plan for me is to adopt one or several children.

I would have been perfectly fine with adopting all of our children and having none naturally.  However, my husband, Michael has always dreamt of having offspring with his wife.  We both spent several years discussing/researching the options and praying for God’s will.  Michael still didn’t feel that same tug on his heart.  That’s perfectly understandable!  I think adoption is wonderful, but I know that God does not call everyone to do it. 

Finally, we decided that we would try to have our first baby and see where God leads us after that.  This was a terrifying decision, because like I said earlier, I have NEVER wanted to be pregnant, and I never thought I would be.  Of course, we put it off, because the other terrifying part is the knowledge that our lives (finances, time, etc.) will drastically change when there is a baby to raise.

In May 2010 we said, “Ok, we can’t put this off anymore.  God wants us to “be fruitful and multiply,” and we want to be obedient to his calling.”  So, even though we were still scared, we leapt into the unknown.  Now that we are expecting, I have spent a lot of time worrying and even crying in fear that I cannot take good care of this baby.  My Sunday school and small group friends have been wonderful prayer warriors.  Lately, I’ve felt an unimaginable peace in knowing that our baby girl is safe in God’s magnificent hands.

Registering

Just a few days after finding out that we were having a girl, our friends, Troy and Kristin went to Babies-R-Us with us to help us register.  I had no idea what I would need, and I desperately needed the help of an experienced mommy.  When we arrived at the store, there was paper work to fill out.  I was excited to get to shopping.  So, Kristin and I went with her son Turner to preview the world of strange baby items: Boppies, Wub-a-nubs, Bumbos, Snoogles, etc.  Michael and Troy sat down at the registry table to fill out paperwork.  The lady looked at them, a bit puzzled, as she walked them through the questions.  She asked, “Will you be adopting?”  Woah! Wrong idea.  The lady thought Michael and Troy were registering for a kid together.  Ugh.  I will never forget this. 

After Karis’s arrival, I pretty much had everything I needed.  Here are some of the essentials: 

For the Hospital:

- Nursing Bra or Cami

- Boppy Pillow

- Baby wipes (the hospital didn’t have any!)

- Baby socks and mittens

- travel system (car seat/stroller)

At Home:

- At least one package of new born diapers (better to be prepared before and return them later if you don’t need them)

- LOTS of burp rags

- Medela bump

- a few baby bottles

- micro steam cleaning bags (Don’t stay up all night boiling bottles… learn from my mistake.)

- diaper gene

- bouncer or swing

- NEWBORN pacifiers (I didn’t realize they come in different sizes. Poor K sucked on a 3-6 month paci for about a week.)

- white noise machine (or radio turned to a static station)

We’re Pregnant!

It was so fun revealing our news to family and friends.  I wanted to wait until we were 10 weeks pregnant to begin telling people, and Christmas was close enough.  For Christmas, I wrapped up bibs that said, “Grandpa Loves Me,” and “If Mommy Says No, Ask Grandma.”  I also included an ultrasound picture of our tiny pea.

 

When Michael’s parents opened the last present under the tree, they were a little confused about the bibs until they read them and saw the picture.  Then, there were tears of joy.  Uncle Joe and Uncle Jacob were happy too.

When my parents opened their present, their expressions were classic!  Uncle Jason, Aunt Traci, and Aunt Beka gave us hugs and congratulations.

Rewind... IC Diagnosis

Let me back up a little, and tell you about the beginning of my whole IC experience.

In November of my senior year of high school I began feeling like I had to go to the bathroom all the time (even after I went).  Urgency is the main symptom of a bladder infection, so that is what my gynecologist treated me for.  I experienced no relief.  Then, my doctor treated me for a yeast infection.  Wrong again.  Next, she wanted to do a pregnancy test.  That was just offensive.  I felt like the doctor didn't have a clue.  She could have diagnosed me with a broken toe, sprayed some Windex on it, and we'd have made just as much progress with my diagnosis. 

After that, I saw a urologist who told me I have an overactive bladder.  He actually said, "On the day God handed out bladders, you just got a bad one."  Wow! Is that even medically accurate?... NO!  His comment was based on the fact that I had a lot of urinary tract infections when I was little, but I had surgery when I was six to correct that.  I was a little relieved to have the "overactive bladder" diagnosis, because now I had an excuse for being late to classes.  (I had to go to the restroom between every single class and sometimes during class.)

Stop number three was the urologist who did my surgery when I was six.  He too, was stumped. 

Stop number four, another gynecologist.  She was stumped, but helpful because she referred me to Dr. Lapin in Houston's medical center. 

In February, the fifth doctor I saw was Dr. Lapin.  He performed a medical procedure called a hydrodistention with cystoscopy and a biopsy.  During the procedure, I was asleep while the doctor filled my bladder to its maximum capacity.  Then, he took pictures that revealed that the lining of my bladder was thin and irritable.  It also had pin-point bleeding.  The hydrodistention and biopsy ruled out many other problems, but it also pointed directly towards Interstitial Cystitis.  At last!  We knew something was truly medically wrong with me; I wasn't crazy!

After the diagnosis, I realized I'd probably be seeing a urologist more frequently for treatment.  Therefore, I felt that I'd be more comfortable with a female doctor.  Dr. Lapin recommended Dr. Delhey.  She has been wonderful!  We started out with just one treatment at a time, trying to figure out what works for me.  After perusing MANY options, we discovered that the best prescriptions for me were: Elmiron (the only drug specifically designed to treat IC), Elavil (a mild anti-depressant to relieve stress and pressure on my bladder), and Ultracet as needed (a strong pain reliever).  Now that I am expecting, I only take Elmiron and Tylenol.

Throughout four months of uncertainty and six doctors, my parents were very persistent in finding someone who could help me.  I don’t know what I would have done if they didn’t research, schedule appointments, and take me to all those doctors.  Thank you Mama and Daddy for being my advocates!

Why Cherries Jubilee?

Just in case you're wondering, I chose the name "Cherries Jubilee" for several reasons:
1.) A baby in the womb is often compared to a fruit to help us understand the size.  Our baby was once as tiny as a cherry in my belly.
2.) I crave "Cherries Jubilee" protein mix (and it doesn't make me ill!).
3.) The word "jubilee" represents this joyful season of our lives.

Two Lines!

Tuesday, November 16th, 2010 was one of the happiest days of my life.  My home pregnancy test finally revealed a positive result!  (I say finally because it took a few months of trying... not abnormal, but I was anxious.)

I woke up before Michael and quietly took the test.  Standing over the bathroom counter, I stared at that pee stick for three minutes, waiting for two solid lines to appear.  Once they did, I was in disbelief, so I reread the instructions.  The manual was very clear about the meaning of two solid lines = pregnant!  I quietly giggled, cried, and jumped up and down.  Then, I quickly got dressed and got the dogs dressed.  I turned on the bedroom light to awake my baby daddy.  He looked down at our dogs and read their shirts, "Mama's Pregnant!"  He asked, "Really?"  I showed him the test, and he smiled and gave me a huge hug.  That was the moment we knew we had entered a new chapter of our lives together.

That evening, Michael arrived home from work before me.  When I walked through the door, dinner was on the stove and flowers were on the table.  I love my man!