Valley

The hardest thing about being a "stay at home mom" is staying at home... at a home that is 45 minutes away from my friends.  I really like my independence and doing my own thing, so being alone is not that difficult.  However, no one can be alone all of the time, and lately, I've been going crazy!  I have scheduled time with friends 2 - 3 times per week.  Last Tuesday, Karis was crying when I arrived at a play date.  She needed a nap, because she didn't get enough rest in the car.  We had to leave immediately.  I was totally bummed about not getting to see my girlfriends.  I really needed that time.  Then, on Wednesday Michael had to work too late, so we couldn't make it to our small groups.  Two days in a row, I missed my opportunities to see my girlfriends.  I was so upset and down in the dumps.  My thoughts were (and still are) totally negative.  I feel that I'm down in a valley and struggling to transform my thoughts and crawl out.  It feels so unfair that other moms can let their children nap at home before they go to events, appointments, etc. because their home is less than 10 minutes away from the places they need to be.  It's impossible for me to schedule around nap times.  If Karis wakes up from a nap at 10am, then she needs another at noon.  The two hour "awake" time is not enough for me to feed her, change her, drive 45 minutes to Sugar Land, visit with friends, and drive back in time for a nap.  Karis sleeps well in the car, but if she only gets cat naps, she is a cranksters.  Ever since Karis was born, I have been searching and praying for mommies in our town to connect with.  No luck yet.  :(

Reminds me of a song by my favorite band, Caedmon's Call
Valleys Fill First


This is the valley that I'm walking through
And if feels like forever since I've been close to you
My friends up above me don't understand why I struggle like I do
My shadow's my only, only companion and at night he leaves too

Down in the valley, dying of thirst
Down in the valley, it seems that I'm at my worst
My consolation is that you baptize this earth
When I'm down in the valley, valleys fill first

Down in this wasteland I miss the mountaintop view
But it's here in this valley that I'm surrounded by you
Though I'm not here by my will it's where your view is the most clear
So I'll stay in this valley even if it takes 40 years